Careful driver

It was a Saturday evening. My mother-in-law, obviously my wife’s mother, had been round, being fed by one of her daughters, obviously my wife, this occurring usually on a Sunday, when playing cards after an evening meal is the usual format, but this time to see our youngest son who was visiting to catch up on our wellbeing and seeing what we were up to. It’s nice to think that some of the children like to keep in touch.

Back to this tale. I usually ferry mother-in-law back home after the event so that my wife can wind down. It’s a return journey of about 80 minutes, through countryside and two villages, and it usually at around midnight. The relative is a frighteningly fit 93 years old, both mentally and physically. She has no means of transport so she is brought here and returned by car.

I had dropped her off, making sure that she had got into the house before leaving to return home. I was on the way out of her village when in the distance I noted in my mirror a car travelling in the same direction. Nothing special in that – I just noted it. It was a very black night, and quiet on the roads, except for the car behind.

I’m a type of driver that our children poke fun at – keeping to the speed limit within a few miles an hour, and neither violently accelerating nor similarly slowing down. I like to drive in a manner that I would appreciate if I was a passenger, both smooth and gentle. Some don’t like it like that, but that’s me!

Back to the tale. As I came out of the 30mph speed limit, I eased up to 45 – it was a 50 speed limit area – that leaving facility for the car behind to overtake and still keep within the limit. However, the car didn’t overtake and get ahead, but it increased its speed to match mine. I found this slightly disconcerting, remembering at the same time in films where vehicles are shadowed by following cars until the opportunity is appropriate to overtake, stop, and steal the vehicle or its contents, much to the disadvantage of the vehicle driver. Bearing this in mind I speeded up gently to the speed limit of 50. The car behind followed suit. I was now somewhat alarmed. After 4 mild of travel the blue lights started to flash. I eased to a stop and locked all doors. I opened my window – still slightly cautious.

I kept an eye on both wing mirrors to see what was going to happen. I saw nothing moving, but suddenly the top half a body floated horizontally across my window, and stopped to peer in. ‘Good evening, Sir,’ it said.

‘Good evening,’ I replied. I was happy that his demeanour seemed to confirm he was a policeman. ‘What have I done wrong?’ I asked, trying at the same time to work out if had driven dangerously somewhere on route, or exceeded the speed limit, but I couldn’t come up with anything – but one can never be sure!

‘What’s your name?’ he asked as he turned his head to present his left ear towards me.

I didn’t really believe what I heard, and responded with, ‘What have I done wrong?’

‘Your name, Sir, what is it?’ The left ear was presented again. I decided that I had better play ball with this fellow – otherwise I might be having problems. I replied, ‘Bell.’

His instant response was, ‘John?’

‘Yes’. His nose moved round in my direction. ‘You’ve been checking up on me!’ I responded.

‘We’ve just been through to the DVLA,’ was his reply.

‘I thought something was going on – you looked as though you were tracking me from some way back.’

‘No, we weren’t tracking you, we were just behind you.’

‘Anyway, what’s the problem?’

‘You haven’t done anything, Sir, it’s just that you were driving very carefully, and one of the reasons for driving like that could have been that you had been drinking.’ As he said that, his nose seemed to extend into the cabin area, twitching on the way. But clearly you haven’t been drinking.’ His nose retreated. ‘Thank you for stopping, and have a pleasant journey.’ Then he and his nose floated off towards the rear. I eased off to continue my journey.

That episode made me think! If one drives exactly in accordance with the highway code, with care and consideration to passengers, and one is picked up for driving too carefully, and if one is driving very erratically such that one is again picked up but this time for not driving in accord with the highway code, how does one behave on the roads to avoid such police attention? I wonder!

The other trouble with such a confrontation is that I felt at the time that I should have joked in order to ease the tension, and one of the comments that I had been sorely tempted to proffer was that I was relaxed because I had just got rid of my mother-in –law, but I was glad I didn’t – she’s a ‘great old stick’.